Healthy boundaries aren’t something many of us think about on a daily basis. The D.A.R.E. drug dog comes to mind when I think of boundaries: JUST SAY NO!
Childhood smoking aside, boundaries are much more vast than saying NO to harmful substances. Healthy boundaries, when correctly created and enforced, help you protect your time and energy, get what you want, and live life on your own terms.
It’s commonplace to hear statements like: ‘If only I had the time’, or ‘I just don’t have the energy or motivation’. I’d challenge each statement to say, you DO have the time, and the reason it feels like there’s no time and you’re out of energy is that your precious resources aren’t being protected. …
A guide for the extrovert who sees life very differently.
We’ve all heard that old saying- opposites attract. Sure, they attract. We’re enchanted by the mysteriousness of someone so different than us, and there are few experiences more thrilling. Like a great mystery adventure, we embark on the discovery of just how different we are- and lo! We’re as dynamic as hot and cold, north and south. This dichotomy is endlessly fascinating when paired with the understanding that we have different NEEDS.
The ‘attraction’ of opposites, however, doesn’t mean such pairings are destined for success. It’s hard to date someone who is different from you- and in my experience, I ALWAYS attract my polar opposite, and then become the educator on ‘how to be with me’. As an introverted empath, I’d rather not be asked such questions, so I’m halfway hoping this article can be a reference point for future encounters (I’ll be sending it to my fiance) :-), or at least a conversation piece for topics that don’t come naturally. …
And why ‘loud empowerment’ never worked in my intimate relationships.
I used to think of empowerment as an outfit I would wear- like the equivalent of a power suit for women lawyers in the 80’s. It was something I could put on so others would see me as an equal, and so I could puff myself up in the image of that which I was trying to imitate: an outgoing, confident, ‘empowered’ woman.
This image of power is almost identical to that of an extrovert- confident in speech and demeanor, loved among people, and publicly realized. …
It’s far more simple than that.
I’ll come right out and say it- I think his incessant video-game playing is a waste of his beautiful brain-power. His intelligence and creativity are endless, and instead of harnessing it, he’s numbed out in front of a blinking screen, clicking his mouse furiously in what appears to be an intentional quest for rapid-onset carpal-tunnel.
I’d LOVE to blame the latest zombie game for our tense communication. My instinct toward annoyance at anything other than productivity signals the uselessness of such activities, so it’s as easy a culprit as laziness, I suppose. …
For anyone who’s ever wondered, “Am I doing this right?”
In a time where the unexpected has become our reality, our lives have taken a new shape. I don’t think anyone can say life looks the way they thought it would 6 months ago, and with that comes a certain level of uneasiness and a couple interesting questions- what is happening anyway? Am I doing this right?
I’ve personally asked myself this question countless times in my life- usually when I notice I’m ‘not where I want to be’. It can be like waking up from a years-long amnesia, taking a look around and saying, is this it? Have I made it? …
And how to ask for it.
We’re constantly connected these days- many of us from the moment we wake up in the morning (and grab our cell phones) until our eyelids slump closed at night.
While interpersonal connection is important- whether it be through a live-in relationship like a spouse or family member, or digital connection through our devices- too much outward connection impedes on the MOST important connection- the one we have internally with ourselves.
Without intentional alone time, many of us don’t get what we need in this department. The result? …
How my habit of burning out led me to self-acceptance.
It’s Thursday afternoon- the week is almost over and I was behind when it started. Monday I was at an ‘It’s a lot, but I can do this!’ which quickly dissipated as I drowned myself in work and expectations. My spirit feels fuzzy and disconnected, my brain resistant, my eyes strained and my body numb.
I’m well on my way to another burnout.
Burnout sounds terrible but it’s actually wonderful in it’s simplicity. …
You probably already experience it. Here are the facts and how to treat it:
It’s like treating alcoholism with a glass of wine. Here’s how ‘normal’ social media use is affecting our stress levels.
While many of us can’t quite imagine our lives without our devices, the price we’re paying is high, and what’s worse is we don’t really realize we’re paying it. Technology addiction is sneaky, and new research shows the insidiousness of our habit.
Let’s start with some facts. According to the IDC Facebook research, MOST Americans have their phones with them all but two hours of their waking day (about 79%). 69% of Americans have their phones on them for all but 1 hour of the day. …
I peer at the computer screen in the back room of the salon waiting for my client to arrive-
But she’s late, and I’m impatient, so I grab my phone and check my email. It’s been about 30 seconds since I’ve been in my personal inbox. Shocker! There’s nothing new. I set the phone down.
WAIT! Did someone text me? I unlock my screen. Nope, false alarm. Before I know it I’ve clicked into Facebook and I’m scrolling my news feed.
It’s no secret that technology use is addictive and distracting. …
Find love for yourself and your journey, wherever you’re at.
I had the honor of partially raising a step-daughter before I went through my divorce. Her 9 year old taught my 22 year old self how to love, how to protect, and how important my example was to not only her but everyone else around me.
Even though she’s not in my immediate sphere anymore, I find myself thinking about our relationship when I’m struggling to find love. I never struggled to find love for her- her spirit, charisma, and big heart made that a no-brainer. The love I struggled to find was deeper and more complicated, and it was tangled in perfectionism and anxious motivation. …